Officer, That’s not my husband!

Another road trip gone wrong

photo from lawyer mom blog

Some of us dream of having our husband arrested

Who really goes through with it?

Does an Oomph in your argument call for the cops?

Do you use it as a threat to end a fight?

I got one better for you.  Do you not recognize him and and swear he is a stranger trying to take you against your will.  Im sure that’s not one you thought up yet?  I might not have been around to see the drama unfold but I heard the tale many times from both my parents.

This exact scenario was happening at a rest stop along I95 headed home from a road trip.  Just a simple stop to an ordinary rest stop  for a bite to eat.  All things are normal at the moment but that minutes away from a family crisis of unrepareable proportions. OMG for real.  I can only relay to you what my Dad had told me on several occasions with tears in his eyes from belly cramping laughter.

Their about to leave the rest stop and head back to the car when it strikes with no warning.  It’s a seizure or “episode” as we liked to call it and he’s not surprised.  We all know the routine by now.

1. Make sure she has nothing in her hand to hurt herself or others with.

2. Try to get her to sit down before she crashes down on the floor. (Amazingly she’d falle many times and never  felt pain or realized till she felt the lump later on)

3.  Stay close at all times.  You never know where she can dissappear to or what she might say to someone.

You would consider this our three cardinal rules we lived by, but if none of these were an issue we let her pass the seizure until she came to her senses and was better to deal with. Some seizures were very severe like you see on TV with flaying arms, violent movements, foaming at the mouth and super strength. Other seizures were more like minor black outs.  Nothing to be alarmed about but the aftermath is 5 minutes to 1 hour of mental confusion.  Not knowing who, what, where or why she is this place at the moment. On the outside looking in this can appear to be a women in distress, however we are stressed and she is unaware.

Now that I got that covered, let’s go on with the chaos that’s about to bubble over.  In my best interpretation of the events, I can best say that it happened the following way by all information gathered.  The episode has just occurred and now we have the aftermath.

Dad: “Rosa, get in the car.”

Mom: “NO!  Im not getting in the car with you.  Now leave me alone”, as she fumbles around trying to leave but obviosly not sure of where she is the fumbles lead her nowhere fast.

Dad:  Desperately “That’s enough!”,  as he grabs her by the arm to get her into the car.

An officer is in the parking lot watching this situation escalate.  This must not look good for Dad and the officer is on his way to investigate the situation.

Officer:   “Is there a problem here?”

Mom: Forcefully “Yes, there is!.  I don’t know this man and I am not going with him.  He keeps trying to get me to go with him and I don’t know him. Please tell him to leave me alone.”  With a  dazed look on her face, I could only imagine this officer suspects drugs are involved here. Not a good first impression.

Officer:  “Sir, if the woman does not want to go with you can not force her.”

Dad: “She’s my wife”, he said with a chuckle assuming everyone knows what a dazed women who has eplileptic siezures looks like, Duh!.  We are occustommed to her bizzare behavior, but this officer was not.  Now this can be a problem…..let’s see now.

Dad:  “Really, you don’t understand she has epilepsy and isn’t in her right mind at this time”

gathering that the officer can see what is really going on here, my Dad is going to continue with the original mission of getting Mom back in the car.

Dad:  “Come on Rosa we got to go and I need you to get in the car now.”

By this time the officer has not viewed the situation as anything less than hostile and is making motions to end this man from forcing a women against her will.

Officer: Grabbing hold of Dad’s arm “I can’t let you go with women if she is not willing”

Dad: Now getting angry and reaching for his wallet to prove they have the same name and be on their way.”Let me show you that this is all a big misunderstanding.”

Officer: “Well alright, I’ll let you show me some identification and Miss, please show me your identification as well please”.  Looking in my Mother’s direction, nodding his head, indicating that it was alright to follow the instructions.  Now they are both both pieces of evidence are out and presented to the officer.

Officer:  Reviewing both liscences, my mother’s being one of identification only, because people with seizures are not allowed to drive, he sparks a smile of understanding. “I see what we have here, and I hope that you feel better miss.”  Smiling at my mother with relief and sympathy, ” Have a safe trip home.”

Dad: With enormous relief “Thank you for understanding the situation”

Mom: “What do you mean, your going to let me go with this man! I don’t know him” Confused as to what just happened she manages to willingly get in the car and head home as planned. The Officer and my Dad glance at each other as they make their exits.

So all of this could have worked out very poorly for my dad.  Being moments away from being arrested for getting his wife into the car.  Sometimes I think she milked the situation, just to watch my father sweat a little bit.  I’ll never know, but there is that 5% doubt she allowed a few extra minutes of her episode to continue for a few beads of sweat on my Dad’s brow.

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Terry clothe meets bike crash

What am I doing?  I just have to ask myself this sometimes.  Going through the day-to-day I always seem to find myself doing something I said I would NEVER do, because it was a strange thing my mother would do.  My attire in the house is one of them.  I recently noticed as I passed the mirror wearing a terry clothe one piece jumper to do some cleaning around the house.  There I was having a flash back to my mother cleaning the coffee table in the living room and me asking her, What are you wearing? Don’t you have anything else?  I know they say that fashions change and styles go in and out of style all the time but this was feeling a little ridiculous.  She wore this outfit all the time and had a variety of colors too.  The favorite outfit I should say.  It was everywhere. To the market, on her bike, walk to the store, cleaning around the house.  It was a staple in her wardrobe.   As being the kind of fun-loving, mischievous kids my brother and I were there was always some fun teasing going around the house.  A smack in the butt or a comment about he outfit.  The best thing about this outfit were  the things that happened in it.

The Beginning

I know it may sound strange to some people but her having epilepsy and going about her day like a person without any restrictions did add some bizarre humor to our lives. Our family lived with this illness she had and it just became routine to us.  Others who witnessed these seizure for the first time we always shocked, but we were calm and ready to take the proper steps to keep things under control. On one particular summer day it was no different.  Off she went like every morning in her “car” as so she called her Schwinn to go to the store and shop, eat at the bagel shop, hospital cafeteria or pizza place for hours to talk ( but well talk about that later).  She had left in the morning in her “car” to the supermarket for her daily dose of shopping and chatter with friends.  As always we told her to be careful because you never know when a  seizure might occur and she could get hurt severely or worse.  It was now near dinner time and long past the time when she would normally arrive home.  We were concerned but calmly felt that she might have got caught up in conversation with a friend.  As the sky grew darker and we hadn’t heard from her ( no cell phones then either)  now we started to worry.   Just then we got a phone call from a resident in the neighborhood, ” I think we have your mother” was his statement. “What happened”, my father said.  And there was a long silence followed by a relieved laugh.   Thrilled to hear the news we quickly hopped in the family car and went to pick her up.

The Mystery Unfolds

This is where our story turns interesting.  Driving through neighborhood we are unsure of where this house was and all the number were small and difficult the read.  Just then I noticed a white station wagon with a perfect make-up smear across the back window.  Just then I knew this was the house. We enter the house tho find my mother with this family at the kitchen table laughing, talking and having coffee as if nothing had happened.  At that moment the husband and wife had explained what had happened.

Live to ride another day

“I heard a loud band outside and saw her laying on the floor”.  Our faces cringed! .  “We brought her inside but she was out of it and she has been her ever since”.  Now we sigh a big sigh of relief.   Together we all are in a strangers house laughing about a women crashing into their car. Who knew? Something like this could be humorous, but being ok did add to the humor. When talking to my mother later on about what might have led up to this incident, she told us that she felt a “blackout” coming, which isn’t quite a seizure it’s was  more like passing out.  And, because she wears such a heavy amount of make up everyday, we were able to stop the crash quickly.  Unfortunately her bike was not so lucky and it heaped to the trash that day.

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Celebrate “Day of the Dead”


 Celebrating Death
Day of the dead   

My day-to-day always begins fairly normal but there are things that happen to me through out the day that make it a little more interesting.  Yesterday was just that.  A phone call from grandma as usual except this time it was to remind me of today being, “Dia de los muertos”.  Even though my family is Spanish, the culture was in my life in bits and pieces. I grew up in Long Island with American friends and never got too involved with these cultural holidays.   I have heard of them but never participated in them.  Now I had to Google some information to be prepared for what I’m required to do today.   Disappointing Grandma’s wishes is not high on my list, so I’m fast to google to learn the traditions of this day is fast on my list. My journey begins with a trip to visit my mother at the cemetery which is over an hour from my house.

As the traffic Gods would have it, the LIE this morning going east is a parking lot. I knew that I need to get to her grave which was over an hour from my house but at this rate it would be more than 2 hours. There had to be another way to pay my respects, didn’t there?. I’m sure there was but at the moment ideas were not flowing through my mind. So not to disappoint my grandma on such a special day, I called her to explain the situation.   All was forgiven to my relief. To travel to the cemetery and give flowers and prayers would have been nice but not necessary. If I were to say prayers to her souls that it may be at peace I would have pleased her just the same.

It would seem that I am still learning from my mother even though she is not around. The messages are always there, I just have to look for them .  On this day it translated into three important messages

  •   Patience is a virtue and being the master of this great patience will only open your mind to greater things
  •  Trust in others as it may seem difficult for man including myself, finding the right answers might mean having to call on others
  • Follow your heart and keep a strong hold to it. Too many time we ignore the voices inside and try for a  more logical choice.  Make the first choice and stay with it.

In sharing with you the many stories that I have learned hopefully you can take a little bit of it with you each day.

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